Aardvark Art Glass

(People searching for “Turn The Tub Around” are finding my blog. Why am I always rewarded for wasting my time?)

I’m up now doing stuff. Feeling all right. I’ve got one of those coughs that can clear a room, which isn’t all bad. I think my kidneys are wiggling with excitement over all the great liquids they got to drink this past week. Enjoy it while it lasts, kidneys! Soon I won’t have the time to go to the bathroom 15 times a day.

So, yeah, I’m working on making things in jars:

My lids suck but I think that’s the least of my problems. The green ones are supposed to be pickles. Wow, those turned out awful. The brains turned out ok, though. But I really need pickles.Sometimes things get better the more you do them. Sometimes they get worse. In case you’re wondering about the point of all this, I want to make some kind of life form trying to get into the jars, like a Kraken. The description would just write itself.

In other news…I’m going to be headed off to Nebraska on Thursday the 31st, be back on Monday the 4th. Not bringing a computer. Probably just going to vacation the Etsy store. So, if you’re trying to reach me, I’m not blowing you off, I’m away.

Say, that reminds me, we’re not going to be around on New Year’s for the first time ever. We’re still planning to name the new year (2009: The Year of Blessed Traps-did that ever come true) but we’re going to do it a week later at Don’s birthday party. We’ll pretend it’s New Year’s–just like we did on Halloween. Why not, indeed. If I don’t talk to you before I go, have a safe and happy New Year!

I’m still sick. I know that as I’ve aged I’ve taken to describing every garden variety horror/illness/economic downturn as the worst one ever, but I really think this cold is the worst one ever. Don is still sick after 11 days, possibly because he continued to work after he got it. Me, I’m just sitting here quietly going batshit, trying to eat things that contain vitamin C and watching television. Sometimes, as I look at the trashcan overflowing with tissues, I wonder if we are going to be able to clean this house sufficiently so that healthy people will be able to frolic here as they did in times past. It’s going to be a lot of work.

But I digress…like I said, I’ve been watching a lot of TV and I’ve been seeing this thing that I want to talk about here so that it will be documented and I will know that is not a dream. If you have Dish TV you know that there are a lot of superfluous channels to flip by as you toggle between HBO and Cartoon Network..or PBS…whatever you watch. Anyway, while flipping around the last few days, I kept noticing a whole channel devoted entirely to something called “Turn The Tub Around”. I’m acquainted with the practice of companies renting out a channel and playing the same infomercial ad nauseum so I figured that’s what it was about but I did not know what the commercial was for. And I wanted to know.

As it turned out, the commercial was for “I Can’t Believe its Not Butter”. A sort of medium-production thing taking place in a grocery store, Megan Mullally, of all people, stood atop a giant butter container, singing “Turn the Tub Around” (to the tempo of “Turn The Beat Around”) while men dressed like stock boys cavorted about, lifting her on and off the container. Doesn’t that sound like a dream? I guess it was supposed to be a dream Megan Mullally was got lost in while she shopped for butter. It reminds me of a vision I had when I was using E-6000 glue in an unventilated bathroom. I’m pretty sure the “Turn the Tub Around” show is still on if you want to catch it for yourselves. I’m going back to bed.

Jenny of Embellish Yourself! Thanks to everyone who commented. I am so sick today . This assignment was a nice break.

So, Jenny, get a hold of me at aardart@aol.com and tell me what your address is. Then I can mail you your fish head.

Next, I’m going to try to mix Kombucha with Gatorade. Wish me luck.

Ah, crap. I’m sick. Dammit. I’m sharing an illness with the husband who was told by a professional that he had a cold. So that’s what it is. I’ve got the projectile sneezing so I can’t torch. Well, I could torch but if anyone is around in the store and they see me sneeze while my hands are full I’m not going to make any friends. Oh! Here’s something interesting-it’s our non-narcotic cough medicine:

It looks just like a bath bead-round and clear and liquid. Kinda special packaging for a  cough suppressant. If you told someone this was recreational they would probably believe you. If you told someone this was a bath bead they would probably believe you too. If  I ever get well I might try doing both of those.

Well, I’ll be done soon here. Going to go home and sit on the couch and not get back up except to retrieve T-Bone and maybe get an orange. Hope I don’t get them mixed up. Tomorrow I’ll tell you who won the fish head. There’s still time to comment! Happy Holidays!

I was just listing stuff on the Etsy when I came to this bead in my pile:

It’s half of a fish. The front half. The more interesting half, in my opinion. Do you see how you could stick this anywhere and it would look like the fish was emerging from a solid surface? I made this last summer when I thought I was going to be making a large fish-inhabited mirror frame. That project, like every single other filppin’ thing I started in ’09, fell to the wayside probably for a very good reason, or perhaps just because I blew it off. Good thing no one, not even myself, really cares about or keeps track of the things I’m doing.

Anyway, back to the fish head. It was looking up at me from one of my many bowls of objects and I found that I could entertain myself by placing it here and there. I was going to put it on Etsy but I don’t think anyone would buy it without the placing here and there part. It’s a nice bead. It could be beaded into something. Or you could stick a magnet to it and have the fish coming out of your refrigerator door. That would be fun for you, wouldn’t it? Of course it would.

So if you want the fish head bead, comment in the comment area. I’ll let people comment for a week or so, then on the 24th I’ll choose a name at random. (I don’t think very many people read this thing anymore so your chances of winning are probably pretty good.)

Last night I was near the TV when it was off. Apparently, it’s been a really long time since that perfect storm of circumstances occured.

I’m so hooked on this site. I’m sure you’ve been there already. The pictures of the horrible objets d’art are funny but the commentary is why you tune in. I could go on and on about it but it really defies description. I love it. It is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen.

Our hedgehog’s name is T-Bone now. Go, T-Bone! I take pictures of him every day. Little known fact about photographing male hedgehogs: (cover your ears, kids)  Their junk is large enough to really throw off a shot. I’m not kidding. This is a problem I’m having with assembling a portfolio of T-Bone pics for Cute Overload. I got the above sweet picture of him yesterday. What you’re looking at is T-bone, asleep, his tiny paws covering his tiny nose , then you see his left rear leg and then a little tail sticking out the back. But what’s that bulge between his leg and tail? Oh, those are just his giant hedgehog balls–the kind that you never see in Cute Overload pictures. And he’s only 9 weeks old. Guys think this is really funny. I hope all of you do too.