Aardvark Art Glass

My awesome pal Gianofer Fields produced a radio segment about my octopus beads for WUWM in Milwaukee. Ago, Gianofer worked for NPR but now she’s a freelance radio producer. Her asking me to participate in this series made me feel important, and the way she edited the piece made me sound kind of interesting and funny, like a person on the radio. I’m actually making an octopus bead as she interviews me. Here’s the link if you want to hear it. It’s part of a series where she talks to various craftspeople about their favorite tools. Interviews with Erika the welder, Aaron the blacksmith and Missy the jeweler are forthcoming. I like the way she promotes from within our group of friends–they are a goddamn talented bunch of people.

Now that I’ve shared that with you, I realize that if I can come up with six more things about myself, I can get out from under that blog award Jean bestowed upon me in my comment area. (Just kidding, Jean–I like writing seven things. As you know from my constant complaining, I’m  just not down with the tagging and the linking.)

So, I found out the other day that T-Bone is naturally predisposed to walking down the sidewalk. He seems to enjoy it more than walking in the grass. The implications of this are that it may one day be possible for me to walk down the block with my hedgehog next to me and blow people’s minds as they pass by. My dream is to walk down the street with T-Bone and introduce him to people as “My gentleman friend”. The last few days I’ve played that scenario over and over in my head. If I am able to do that there will truly be nothing left in life to wish for.

The other day I found two dollars on the ground. I used it to buy milk.

I have a patch of skin on my thumb that is peeling off in a perfect circle. It’s probably nothing but in the back of my mind I’m worried that it is ringworm.

This isn’t about me but it is a fun fact: The other day it was 83 degrees here. It has never been 83 degrees in March in Madison ever in the history of recorded temperatures. I read that on a weather site.

Last year, I counted the number of hats Don and I own. We have 72. We weeded out some but ended up just buying a bigger container for them. That’s our answer for everything.

I heard a show on WPR the other day about the dangers of eating canned soup (on account of the plastic lining inside the can being something you shouldn’t ingest). I still eat canned soup but now I’m afraid of it-that adds an interesting dynamic to my meals.

There. That wasn’t so hard.

I’m sick again. So is Don. What else is new? Frankly, I did not expect to fly to Mexico, run around there for a week and fly back without catching something so I guess everything is normal.

I was pretty tired and crabby on Monday and Tuesday and Don was at work so, during this illness I didn’t make any cartoons. I enjoyed some Ny-Quil and slept a lot and had a crazy-ass dream that bears repeating. In this dream myself, Don, or friend Gianofer and a fourth person (who I can’t remember) decided that it would be a really good idea to clone ourselves so that we could eat our clone. We weren’t short on food or anything so I don’t know why this struck us as such a stellar plan, but it did, so away we went to the cloning.

I don’t know how I managed to clone myself but somehow I did because, suddenly, there was another me around. My clone looked like me except it’s skin was sort of off-white and it had blue spots on it’s back. And it was growing a tail, like a lizard. Instead of being all “Oh Boy! I can’t wait to eat that clone!” I was suddenly really afraid about how I was going to dispose of the body as, you know, there’s no way I could eat all that. I remembered in my dream that I had just seen episodes of CSI on Mexican television so I knew how frequently body disposal trips up people’s plans.  I decided I had to get a hold of Don and Gianofer before they made clones of themselves. I spent some time unsuccessfully trying to locate them, then I woke up.

Yep. I had a different dream in which Don was a lizard. He looked like him but there was something kooky with his arm and leg joints. And he had a tail. I don’t remember that one as well but I assure you it was a lot more interesting than real life.

Speaking of real life, right now it’s 75 degrees outside. Do you see how I like to use this blog to document my illnesses as well as record ambient temperatures? Success on both fronts with this entry. Anyway, I think taking T-Bone the hedgehog outside for a run would be a better use of my time than sitting in the store. What am I saying? I know that’s a better use of my time. I’m outta here.

Hi everyone. I just got back from a week in Mexico with folks from Don’s work. Mostly we ate and walked on the beach and drank. Went to the bathroom a lot. Read books and chased lizards. It was fun. On day 6 I tripped on one of the many things in Mexico there are to trip on and now the middle finger on my left hand is all jacked up. Since I can’t twirl a mandrel to make beads I’m working on planning a gala Gallery Night (sponsored by the Madison Museum of Contemporary Art) event involving my newly-acquired Potted Meat Museum. Of late, it has been the most inspiring thing in my life.

Due to a lack of refrigeration, Mexico is a country rich in exotic canned meat products. (Also, milk comes in a box in aisle 3  and eggs are kept at store temperature  so watch out for that.) There were so many tins of wonder to choose from it was hard to pick just two to take home with me. Here is a picture of one that made it back:

Here’s how the conversation went with the Dept. of Agriculture authority in Customs. Keep in mind that on my left hand is a badly bruised finger taped to a splint I made from a chop stick :

Me: I have two cans of squid in my suitcase.

The Authority: Are you going to eat them?

Me: Oh, no! I collect them-I have a meat collection in my store. It’s like a tourist attraction.

The Authority: What did you do to your finger?

Me: I fell. There were a lot of things to trip on.

The Aurhority (to Don): Why didn’t you catch her?

Don: I fell too.

The Authority: I thought you might have hurt it opening a can.

Me: Oh no! I don’t eat these-I collect them.

It went on like that for a while. He was very funny. I convinced him I was just a garden-variety wack-job and he let us through without a search. The end.

BUT, back to the reason I started writing this…I’m trying to put together a meat-themed show for May 4th, Gallery Night (sponsored by the Madison Museum of Contemporary Art) and I’d like to display meat-themed art work from anyone who wants to throw down. Due to a lack of ventilation in the store, I request that you do not use real meat in your creations. Artistic renderings of meat in prints, paintings and jewelry are preferred as well as sculpture from meat packaging (SPAM cans and what have you) or advertising. If your work sells, you get the money minus credit card fees. If it doesn’t, I’ll send it back to you.

Those with more than a passing familiarity potted meat are aware of the unintended humor within a product’s provocative name (eg. “Lunch Tongue”) and ingredients (eg. “Mechanically separated chicken”). The Meat Museum came with two cans wrapped in home-made labels that look like real products:

Thus, another creative possibility–design your own potted meat product label and stick it on a can. Or, design a label and mail it to me and I’ll stick it on a can. Recipe suggestions and full disclosure of ingredients is a must.

You know, that sort of thing. So, have you got any meat art in your portfolio? Do you make glass or metal bacon? Comment or email me at aardvarkartglass@gmail.com.