Aardvark Art Glass

it came to pass
January 30, 2009, 3:41 pm
Filed under: Bloggidy Blog

I saw the Wienermobilego by on my way to the studio this morning. We’re pretty close to the Oscar Mayer plant , which, due to the building’s administrative appearance, Don and I refer to as the “meat hospital”. So wienermobiles are around but I haven’t seen one for a long time. I’m taking today’s sighting as a sign of impending good luck or perhaps a harbinger of an early Spring. If the universe wants to get back to me on that I’ll be in the office cave playing Free Cell.


train of thought

I was watching the garbage gentlemen work this morning and thinking how the robot garbage collection system doesn’t work so well when the giant snowbanks are in the way. It would work much better, I thought, if the garbage trucks were hovercrafts–then they could hover over the snowbanks and reach the cans on the sidewalk. Then I thought I should come up with 30 or so ideas just like that one and mail them, one a day, to the Mayor’s office. That would help the winter pass. Then I started wondering about how hovercraft work–is it magnets, or air or what? Cause a hovercraft garbage truck powered by magnets would probably take out every magnet sensitive object within a mile radius as it drove by. Then my thoughts turned to TV and how I accidentally de-magnetized the screen on our old timey one by placing two guitar amps right under it. The screen grew more and more purple until I asked Don “Those amps don’t have magnets in them, do they?” That was funny. Fortunately we had a back up old timey TV. Then I started thinking about new TV’s and that high definition switch that’s supposed to be happening. What happened with that, anyway? I couldn’t go a day without hearing about that until about a month ago. It hasn’t happened yet, has it? Or have people just stopped talking about it because Christmas is over and no ones likely to buy a new TV in this economy? I wonder about that.

But, anyway…I drew something the other day:

Ever wonder what breweries do with all the spent grain they have left over from brewing batches of beer? Of course you haven’t–that’s why I’m going to tell you all about it. Whenever Don has multiple, multiple garbage cans full of spent grain this guy, Arlan, a sheep farmer, comes and picks it up in his pick-up. He feeds the grain to his sheep. Sheep like grain. Anyway, after years of abuse hauling very heavy loads, Arlan’s white Isuzu pick-up sort of expectedly, unexpectedly took a shit. In the wake of the truck’s passing, Don must have sensed some regret or remorse or something radiating off of Arlan because he felt compelled to ask me to draw up a nice condolence card for him. As you can see it’s a picture of a sheep sniffing a dead white pick-up with flies flying around it. Killed at least four hours drawing that. Made me feel uncharacteristically useful, actually. Thought I’d share.

more quackery
January 18, 2009, 11:38 am
Filed under: Bloggidy Blog | Tags: , , , , , ,

Don got a violet ray generator for his birthday from Brad and Carrie. It is non-functional which is unfortunante though not unexpected as they found the unit in an antique store’s garbage pile. I couldn’t quite grock what this was used for at first but it turns out it’s a fairly famous example of questionable medical equipment circa 1920. It even appears in the Museum of Quackery. The Renulife device consists of a bakelite handle into which one inserts any number of blown glass vacuum tube accessories designed to deliver electricity to pretty much any area of your body, inside or out. We were fortunate to receive the model with accessories that are probably too large to have ever been inserted anywhere. We hope, anyway. Here’s a close up of one of them:

That’s some craftsmanship on that sucker-that glass is thin. Someone really knew how to join tube. According to the accompanying booklet, this particular accessory was probably used to treat an ailment known as “Falling Hair”. Gray hair can also be cured with it, especially when the gray hair is caused by bacteria or poor circulation. The booklet warns against using alcohol rich hair tonics being a fire hazard when treating your scalp with electricity.  Here is a picture of the accompanying  booklet:

As long as you have the proper glass accessory and you’re not afraid to electrify it and stick it up your nose or rectum, you can cure pretty much anything with this device, including the Grippe, Lumbego and Barber’s Itch. I can’t imagine why someone would throw this away, you know? It’s only non-functioning if it worked at one time.

i am embracing quick books
January 16, 2009, 7:06 pm
Filed under: Bloggidy Blog

After four years I think I’m finally getting the hang of Quick Books. Every time I use that program, which is maybe 4 times a year, it’s like I’m experiencing it for the first time. Wouldn’t it be great if almost anything besides a computer program were like that? Like a song or a movie? Quick Books is like a little pre-taste of senility for me. Before long everything will be that unfamiliar. Hopefully, the majority of it won’t fill me with such a sense of self-loathing. (Note to self: Quick Books does not have a “Back” button. To see the page that you were on before, look for it in a little window on the left hand side of the screen and click on it there.) Had I written that down last time, it would have saved me about twenty minutes of looking around for a “Back” button this quarter.

i suspect foul play
January 14, 2009, 11:37 pm
Filed under: Bloggidy Blog | Tags: , ,

There were feathers and little chunks of bird all over our front porch this morning. And on the stairs. And on the snowbank in the front yard. No tracks to be seen anywhere, which is weird because it just snowed. Tres mysterious! I suspect cat, but the lack of evidence kind of points to spontaneous bird explosion.

(Side note: Isn’t our kitchen floor great? That linoleum stopped responding to cleaning years ago. I have high, high hopes of laying down tile there, someday. This side note was brought to you by the letter “D”.)

So, the cold weather is gripping the mid-west again. I am once again digging around in my activity bowl trying to find something to do. I’m down to the twin horrors of doing taxes or cleaning the studio. Shit. I don’t want to do either of those and yet I must do both. Tax doing naturally causes a flurry of cleaning as I retrace my steps for the past year trying to find post office receipts. Gotta do that sometime. I’ll let you know if I find anything interesting on the floor when I clean.

would you like a cookie, bob foster?
January 13, 2009, 4:27 pm
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I made a giant cookie out of the old dough I found in the fridge.  It was fine. Me and Bob Foster ate it.

food safety
January 11, 2009, 6:36 pm
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Know how home made cookie dough has eggs in it? Does that mean that you shouldn’t leave it in the fridge and pick at it on and off for a week? Don was wondering about that. I don’t remember seeing any warnings on the store bought cookie dough but then again, I’ve never had a natural curiosity about food safety. I ask because I found a container of cookie dough that was about a week old in the fridge. It  tastes fine to me. Surely it could be cooked and eaten? I am going to eat it unless someone tells me not to. Someone besides Don.

Speaking of whom, today is Don’s birthday. He’s 45 years young. He is working today, of course, probably routing pipes hither and yon around the new brewery expansion at the Great Dane. He busy. Last Friday I stopped by to check out the new space and was dismayed to notice that we were wearing almost matching clothing. That’s embarassing on several different levels. It’s also very funny. It’s also going to continue to happen as long as I insist on wearing his clothes. Yeah, another 20 years and we’ll be doing that on purpose.  If that cookie dough doesn’t do me in before then.