Aardvark Art Glass

Dick’s toe and other vending legends
April 21, 2010, 4:26 pm
Filed under: Bloggidy Blog

Today I am sitting in the office-cave chewing nicotine gum. Trying to think of something to write. Everything is caught up now. Farmer’s Market looks like it’s going to be rained out on Saturday, which is a drag and also great. I dread street vending. I can’t remember what was so horrible about it, I just remember being really happy when I didn’t have to do it anymore. Like college. Say, speaking of vending, did I ever tell you the story about Dick’s toe? (By the way, this is going to be the one bright spot about vending again-I have a blog this time around so I can tell you vending stories and talk about passers-by who are jerks.)

Anyway, back in the early ’90’s when I was vending full time, there was this guy, Dick, who sold wholesale  silver and stone pendants. He was always out selling on his bowed tables. Always. Then one weekend he was gone. It was Art Fair on the Square weekend, too, which is a shitty weekend for vending but everyone comes out anyway because there’s thousands of people around. It’s a given that customers won’t buy anything unless it’s up on the square but hope springs eternal.  So Dick’s absence on that particular weekend was all the more conspicuous. I can’t specifically remember what the speculation was at that time–he wasn’t real healthy so we probably thought he was dead. It wasn’t likely he had a wedding to go to or anything.

We didn’t see Dick until the following week. When he finally showed up he had a new cast on his foot and leg. We asked him what was up with that. I have to preface his answer by saying that Dick had diabetes and thus had very little or no feeling in his feet. Dick’s explanation for the cast was that he burned his big toe on a space heater. Just after the accident and prior to his falling asleep that night, Dick noted that his dog was dutifully licking his injured toe. Just after Dick fell asleep, apparently, his dog began nibbling on his toe and then chewing on it until a portion of it was completely gone. Isn’t that gross? So since his dog ate his big toe, Dick was in the hospital having his foot patched up during Art Fair on the Square Weekend. The End.

Yeah, there’s not going to be any eaten toes or deaths at your booth or mental breakdowns at the Farmer’s Market this year. No day-long benders and waking up with a Christmas tree in your apartment. There might be drunken balloon-artist mimes and Indian pan flute bands going toe to toe competing for a spot to set up. That could be cool. And there will always be jerks to talk about. So, I don’t know…maybe it won’t be so bad.


4 Comments so far
Leave a comment

You couldn’t make that sh@t up. I think toeless Dick is a bead begging to be made. Get on that, won’t you?

Comment by Lori G

That’s a good idea. I’m pretty sure Dick’s dead now so that one should be safe.

Comment by cathylybarger

Great story.
The bead idea is excellent, but who or what would be eating it? Frogs and octopodes don’t go for cooked flesh, but some ants do.
Maybe they’d just be listening to the story.

Comment by phil

Unbelieveable… :{
I almost threw up…lol! Now I have make sure Rubee Dew doesn’t eat my toes while I’m sleeping.

Comment by Rosanne

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